Day 1

Coming to London the first time was something i did not want to do. I could imagine being without my friends for more than a day, let alone five months. I nearly resented my parents for bringing me here. For days after i cried and pouted around like it was the worst possiblo thing in the world to be brought to a new country. After the first week i started opening up. Walking around this foreign city was almost an out of body experience. My whole life i had been moving around from city to city. but never have I ever felt so alienated. Alienated in a good way. Before coming here i was afraid to be without my friends becuase i thought they made me better. I thought that i was my best self when i was with them. Being in London gave me the oppurtunity to figure out who i really was, as cheesey as that sounds. Making new friends, building relationships with cultures so foreign to me i almost didnt know how to deal with them, teaching myself how to be alone, it was all part of this new process. Once i came back to San Francisco I jumped right back into the same lifestyle i had been living for years before. partying with my friends, going out to bars, and not focusing on how to make my life better. i made some mistakes in different areas of my life. I let the wrong people in, which to be honest is something everyone does, im only human. So thats when i decided to take my parents up on the offer to come back to London. Maybe the first trip was just part one of the process of bettering myself. Maybe this is part 2. When I came here I fell inlove. It was a mindblowing, mind altering, kind of love. so amazingly destructive. He opened my eyes to someone i didnt know i was, and he made me second guess myself. its a confusing feeling when someone can make you go from absolute adoration to complete resentment. I fell inlove with him and the idea of him. This time, i hope to fall completely in love with myself. This is my life and I intend to live it genuinley happy with who i am and what I am doing. Im done second guessing myself.